Whether you are in a marriage or in the early months or years of a new relationship, it may become apparent to you over time that you are feeling controlled.
Control in relationships can present itself in many different ways.
It may be that you feel you must account for your comings and goings to your partner or that you find yourself more isolated from your social circle.
Your partner may expect that you must spend the majority of your time with him/her.
You may find your finances are being controlled or your appearance/weight is commented upon and criticised.
At the start of a relationship, control can be disguised as attentiveness and care.
Caring for and loving you isn't the same as controlling you , though sometimes it can be difficult to differentiate between the two.
Ask yourself if you feel this is love or control?
With teenagers and young people, a boyfriend or girlfriend's jealousy may feel flattering at the start of a relationship, but jealousy will limit your life and control you in the end.
A controlling partner will invade your privacy and insist on knowing your whereabouts and who you are in contact with.
I have had clients who have discovered a tracking app installed on their phone so that their partner could secretly track their location. You have a right to privacy and insisting that you don't is a sign of a controlling partner.
A fear of upsetting your partner by trying to keep them happy is a sign of feeling controlled in a relationship.
If you worry about how your partner will react, you are in a codependent relationship where you cannot fully be yourself. Is this what your picture of a loving relationship looks like? How do you think you deserve to be treated in a relationship?
Setting clear boundaries with your partner is important so that you can feel safe and respected .
Using 'I' statements such as 'I feel uncomfortable when..' can disarm a controlling partner.
Make sure you prioritise your own social supports by talking to your family and friends.
Read up on coercive control and domestic abuse to see if any of the criteria apply to you.
If you feel at risk or in danger in any way, visit your local Garda station and talk to your family and friends.
If you feel you need impartial support to explore the difficulty you may feel in speaking assertively to your partner, speak to your G.P or an IACP-accredited counsellor.
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