Parenting teenagers can be challenging and demanding at times as teens strive for their independence from parents.
You may feel disconnected from your child who used to love spending time with you.
Activities you once enjoyed together may no longer be on the table and sometimes, you may feel like you are suddenly dealing with a stranger in your home.
Equally, the teenage years are an opportunity to develop new relationships with our children who are starting to have their own world-views.
The teenage brain is undergoing vast physical and developmental changes from the age of 12 to 17 approximately. Your child may feel equally as confused by their heightened emotions and need for independence.
You may remember the toddler years as being similar to having a teenager where the toddler wants to try out their independence, take steps on their own but also need to know that you are there as a safety net.
A similar ‘push-pull’ dynamic happens when our children reach their adolescent years- wanting to feel independent of parents but also needing the emotional support from home during these years.
I am reminded of a famous American parenting book on raising teenagers called 'Get Out Of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?'.
Parents of teenagers can feel used and unappreciated but it is important to remember how very much needed you are in your teen's life.
Creating a relaxed home where your teenager can feel safe and calm means they will be more likely to open up to you about how they are feeling. You will find that teenagers will approach you when you least expect it and want to chat. Try to let them talk without probing too much or launching into criticism and advice.
They likely won't be looking for solutions to their issues but just want to vent and feel heard. Remind your teenager that you are glad they came to you and how much you enjoy your chats.
It is easy as a parent of a teen to turn every interaction into a criticism or a lecture or an instruction. Try to allow time to just chat without interrogating your child.
Sometimes teens will react better to you sharing about your day first rather than being expected to talk about their day at school, for example.
Family mealtimes are an essential part of the day so there is an opportunity to talk and it creates an anchor in the day for the entire family.
Remember not to take everything your teenager says personally and to choose your battles.
Keeping communication open with your child during these years should be the priority for their mental health and for a healthy parent-child relationship in the long run.
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